Friday, July 11, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
how the landscape views the young
longer have I lived
than youth cares to care
how I age
what contains me
simple rotation
space
endless expanse
creation
death
dust
life
they stare up at me
the cold souls
who'v seen
an ending
everything
they all teach
my immaculate mural
than youth cares to care
how I age
what contains me
simple rotation
space
endless expanse
creation
death
dust
life
they stare up at me
the cold souls
who'v seen
an ending
everything
they all teach
my immaculate mural
Friday, August 23, 2013
Daly City Climate Disorder
Winter, no.
Summer, sometimes.
A battle of fog beneath the blur of sky
dreams of heat
bound by micro-climate tortures.
Clenched jaws,
Clothed arms,
the shock & awe of shot nerves.
Atmosphere warfare
whips wind’s next kill -
No winter
No summer
just cold souls and tormented shivers.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Notes from Silent Retreat: Day 5
Thursday - Silence now broken.
Don't know what else to say at the moment. Not much needing to be written right now.
Don't know what else to say at the moment. Not much needing to be written right now.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Notes from Silent Retreat: Day 4
Wednesday
(Wow) - much more difficult than yesterday. My back is testing my pain tolerance, as well as my ability to sit and meditate. From there, Mara grew into a big grump monster, annoyed at people, the cold and wind, myself and my mind - so exhausted already and my day has barely begun. Must sit with it, though. Must hold these grumps in the palm of my hand and keep it warm.
Thoughts & desires about home - missing it all, not having much fun here (DUH) and in desperate search for ease. At least w/sunshine, I can bake out by the fountain, sip coffee and watch the bees. What is it about today that I find so challenging?
Could use some compassion for myself today. Of course I am tired, of course this lets in the Mara much more easily. And of course I miss home. I'm normal. My desire for pleasantry is human, and with so much pain in my back, it's normal to let the grumps get to me. I must be kind to myself, though, and remember impermanence.
Back out into the massive desert wind, with its dark clouds and cold touch - time to bundle, make my way across the Silk Road, and wait for my work meditation. All moves fast from there, and soon it will be Thursday.
--------------------
The evening now. Day almost over, bed bound - We made it through another day, just 1 more to go. How close I feel to the Sangha now. Like we've been getting to know each other all week in our minds. Feeling the energies so vibrantly. We all silently regarded a rainbow during dinner, just over the beginning hills, then over the valley, and disappearing into the dense dark wisp of storm cloud. All this just after a guided lecture on the cultivation of true joy.
Realizing how special it is to be away from my life, with mostly total strangers, to live among the desert for 6 days while I develop my capacity to truly love, to potentially enlighten myself in my natural tendency to love. A flaw no more.
What now? One more day. Hope. A renewed charge. The mission to spread the mettā - who knows what else.
Saw so many beautiful things today. A spider used me to hitch a ride into the bathroom. The clouds were especially (typically) gorgeous, with an equally breathtaking sky scene. At the last walking meditation, 8:30, I went down to the Labyrinth, with its diamond spots, and laid down on the entering step's bench, long and curved, cool concrete. I popped my head up and stared infinitely into the star scape, those blinking balls so far but just right there, by the hundreds to see. The moon has been with me every night. He's my man. My Luna too.
Time to rest, things to work with tomorrow. Thank you for all of today, even my grumpy-guss nonsense.
May I have a restful sleep, and an energetic wake.
(Wow) - much more difficult than yesterday. My back is testing my pain tolerance, as well as my ability to sit and meditate. From there, Mara grew into a big grump monster, annoyed at people, the cold and wind, myself and my mind - so exhausted already and my day has barely begun. Must sit with it, though. Must hold these grumps in the palm of my hand and keep it warm.
Thoughts & desires about home - missing it all, not having much fun here (DUH) and in desperate search for ease. At least w/sunshine, I can bake out by the fountain, sip coffee and watch the bees. What is it about today that I find so challenging?
Could use some compassion for myself today. Of course I am tired, of course this lets in the Mara much more easily. And of course I miss home. I'm normal. My desire for pleasantry is human, and with so much pain in my back, it's normal to let the grumps get to me. I must be kind to myself, though, and remember impermanence.
Back out into the massive desert wind, with its dark clouds and cold touch - time to bundle, make my way across the Silk Road, and wait for my work meditation. All moves fast from there, and soon it will be Thursday.
--------------------
The evening now. Day almost over, bed bound - We made it through another day, just 1 more to go. How close I feel to the Sangha now. Like we've been getting to know each other all week in our minds. Feeling the energies so vibrantly. We all silently regarded a rainbow during dinner, just over the beginning hills, then over the valley, and disappearing into the dense dark wisp of storm cloud. All this just after a guided lecture on the cultivation of true joy.
Realizing how special it is to be away from my life, with mostly total strangers, to live among the desert for 6 days while I develop my capacity to truly love, to potentially enlighten myself in my natural tendency to love. A flaw no more.
What now? One more day. Hope. A renewed charge. The mission to spread the mettā - who knows what else.
Saw so many beautiful things today. A spider used me to hitch a ride into the bathroom. The clouds were especially (typically) gorgeous, with an equally breathtaking sky scene. At the last walking meditation, 8:30, I went down to the Labyrinth, with its diamond spots, and laid down on the entering step's bench, long and curved, cool concrete. I popped my head up and stared infinitely into the star scape, those blinking balls so far but just right there, by the hundreds to see. The moon has been with me every night. He's my man. My Luna too.
Time to rest, things to work with tomorrow. Thank you for all of today, even my grumpy-guss nonsense.
May I have a restful sleep, and an energetic wake.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Notes from Silent Retreat: Day 3
Tuesday
Full of love today (started off with morning grumps)
First sitting, guided by Pablo, urged to cultivate compassion - we were asked to think of a "beneficiary" or someone we perceive as loving us unconditionally - I thought of Dad, how he always has my back, cares for me no matter what, believes in everything I do. So much love. So moving. Then asked to allow ourselves to see through their eyes back at ourselves - I so clearly felt love for myself, in a way much more accessible than just recalling the mettā phrases.
First interview - Vinny, with Mikey, Barry, and Gary. We all talking about our experiences so far; half finding it difficult, half (w/me) being pretty good w/what has transpired in our minds. Vinny so beautiful and pure with compassion and kindness - mettā. "We are the genuis' of our own minds and experiences." Be with the Brahmavihāras, eventually the mindfulness will integrate itself in. More interviews from them Thursday. Happy. How lucky we are to be here, Vinny reminded us. Against all odds. We shouldn't even exist, but here we are, in these beautiful surroundings, practicing how to love wisely. Indeed, how lucky we are.
End of day 3. Much mettā felt, much sent, much awarded to myself. Got very concentrated during some sits, very distant and numb at others. The yoga was my favorite, as there's nothing quite like a good stretch. Keep forgetting what day it is, time is acting so differently as I'm in and out of the world I know, more and more tapping into that universal existence in which there is no linear time, and love is the language used.
Tomorrow, Wednesday; I'm halfway through. Thinking I'm in a state of neutrality, because I find myself quite often bored and then looking for trouble (lust, greed - the plans, the resentments, the past - Mara at its worst, back and body ache, which I know in my heart is not much at all). Excited to see where my mind and heart are at tomorrow. I feel as though I may be the last person to wake up at this place (me@8:00am - first sitting at 6:30 [yea] and breakfast at 7 - not hearing the wake up bells, not hearing my alarm, naturally waking up at 8. Better not disturb my natural sleep rhythms) but I understand when it comes to sleep, I have some special needs so indeed, I accept my needed long hours in bed w/as much kindness and love as I can in this moment - Mettā!
2 more full days, then a morning, then back to it all with more love in my heart to share like it was the only thing in the world.
LOVE
Full of love today (started off with morning grumps)
First sitting, guided by Pablo, urged to cultivate compassion - we were asked to think of a "beneficiary" or someone we perceive as loving us unconditionally - I thought of Dad, how he always has my back, cares for me no matter what, believes in everything I do. So much love. So moving. Then asked to allow ourselves to see through their eyes back at ourselves - I so clearly felt love for myself, in a way much more accessible than just recalling the mettā phrases.
First interview - Vinny, with Mikey, Barry, and Gary. We all talking about our experiences so far; half finding it difficult, half (w/me) being pretty good w/what has transpired in our minds. Vinny so beautiful and pure with compassion and kindness - mettā. "We are the genuis' of our own minds and experiences." Be with the Brahmavihāras, eventually the mindfulness will integrate itself in. More interviews from them Thursday. Happy. How lucky we are to be here, Vinny reminded us. Against all odds. We shouldn't even exist, but here we are, in these beautiful surroundings, practicing how to love wisely. Indeed, how lucky we are.
End of day 3. Much mettā felt, much sent, much awarded to myself. Got very concentrated during some sits, very distant and numb at others. The yoga was my favorite, as there's nothing quite like a good stretch. Keep forgetting what day it is, time is acting so differently as I'm in and out of the world I know, more and more tapping into that universal existence in which there is no linear time, and love is the language used.
Tomorrow, Wednesday; I'm halfway through. Thinking I'm in a state of neutrality, because I find myself quite often bored and then looking for trouble (lust, greed - the plans, the resentments, the past - Mara at its worst, back and body ache, which I know in my heart is not much at all). Excited to see where my mind and heart are at tomorrow. I feel as though I may be the last person to wake up at this place (me@8:00am - first sitting at 6:30 [yea] and breakfast at 7 - not hearing the wake up bells, not hearing my alarm, naturally waking up at 8. Better not disturb my natural sleep rhythms) but I understand when it comes to sleep, I have some special needs so indeed, I accept my needed long hours in bed w/as much kindness and love as I can in this moment - Mettā!
2 more full days, then a morning, then back to it all with more love in my heart to share like it was the only thing in the world.
LOVE
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Notes from Silent Retreat: Day 2
(first full day), Monday
Not sure what I did (lust related?) but showed up w/a knotted, strained right shoulder/neck... more time spent on a chair than on floor, to conserve this body.
Up to 2 sitting meditations. Each one gets my mind more and more settled. Repeating the phrases "May you be happy. May you be loved. May you be at ease. May you be free." Or some variation of that. Thinking of JoJo as an innocent child, nothing but love to give her, without judgement. JoJo mind very actively pushing away this love - wanting to mentally nag the white girls in yoga garb, or other annoying clothing, Mara chasing me with drowsy feelings and hunger and the pain in my back. Sending much love to Mara, to myself.
Just finished lunch. Journaling is discouraged, but I'm overriding that because it is a habit I want to maintain. And recording insight is helpful.
Today we are focusing on metta to ourselves. Of course my mind is tired of repeating the phrases. And it's a bit too warm out to fully engage in a hike, or start a worth-while walking meditation.
I'm eager to explore the labyrinth later this evening, when the sun is gone and the lights around the maze are on - all those diamonds to guide me. Want to make sure to photograph this place before leaving - I was thinking either Thursday or Friday.
Used to mindfulness mediation, so it's throwing me for a loop repeating phrases & the focus not being on my breath. Find metta practice a bit more concrete.
Work in an hour. Salad maker.
So tired now. More Mara w/its drowsiness.
Not sure what I did (lust related?) but showed up w/a knotted, strained right shoulder/neck... more time spent on a chair than on floor, to conserve this body.
Up to 2 sitting meditations. Each one gets my mind more and more settled. Repeating the phrases "May you be happy. May you be loved. May you be at ease. May you be free." Or some variation of that. Thinking of JoJo as an innocent child, nothing but love to give her, without judgement. JoJo mind very actively pushing away this love - wanting to mentally nag the white girls in yoga garb, or other annoying clothing, Mara chasing me with drowsy feelings and hunger and the pain in my back. Sending much love to Mara, to myself.
Just finished lunch. Journaling is discouraged, but I'm overriding that because it is a habit I want to maintain. And recording insight is helpful.
Today we are focusing on metta to ourselves. Of course my mind is tired of repeating the phrases. And it's a bit too warm out to fully engage in a hike, or start a worth-while walking meditation.
I'm eager to explore the labyrinth later this evening, when the sun is gone and the lights around the maze are on - all those diamonds to guide me. Want to make sure to photograph this place before leaving - I was thinking either Thursday or Friday.
Used to mindfulness mediation, so it's throwing me for a loop repeating phrases & the focus not being on my breath. Find metta practice a bit more concrete.
Work in an hour. Salad maker.
So tired now. More Mara w/its drowsiness.
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