Sunday - first day of retreat (only still not quiet yet) - set up my area (on right edge - is that right? felt like easy access in/out, if that's what I'm concerned with - also good for stretching out w/ achy back), got my work med (this is another session of salad making, and another bell ringer at 11:50 for 12:00 sit) - all is ready to happen. In my room, no roommate yet (wouldn't that be something if I roomed alone? I could do anything I want!), met some girls, smiled many times - isn't that nice?
So far, friendly. Only my own insecurities to get me down. That's what I'm here to work on. My Chris, my kitties, my loved ones are all still where I left them, understanding as they are.
Feeling quite anxious. Perhaps it stems from some confusion, tiredness, energy or heat around me, fear for the future (am I voluntarily subjecting myself to great difficulties? What will surface over the week?). I'm so mentally embedded in creature comforts and safety and routine, that the challenge of change is visibly stressing me. I hope this feeling will settle when the silence begins.
Brought coffee this time, brought trail mix for missed breakfasts.
The desert is hot - here a whole month earlier this year. I like it though, it's not too much and everything feels radiant. Forgot razor - going to grow naturally (secretly delighted) - no pretense, no vanity, a beautiful love at home and even he can't figure out when I have no make-up on.
Dinner in 40 minutes - going to lay/read/nap for half hour, then it all begins. Actually, then I'll be back because the first sit isn't until 8pm!
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