Notes from Silent Retreat: Day 3

Tuesday

Full of love today (started off with morning grumps)

First sitting, guided by Pablo, urged to cultivate compassion - we were asked to think of a "beneficiary" or someone we perceive as loving us unconditionally - I thought of Dad, how he always has my back, cares for me no matter what, believes in everything I do. So much love. So moving. Then asked to allow ourselves to see through their eyes back at ourselves - I so clearly felt love for myself, in a way much more accessible than just recalling the mettā phrases.

First interview - Vinny, with Mikey, Barry, and Gary. We all talking about our experiences so far; half finding it difficult, half (w/me) being pretty good w/what has transpired in our minds. Vinny so beautiful and pure with compassion and kindness - mettā. "We are the genuis' of our own minds and experiences." Be with the Brahmavihāras, eventually the mindfulness will integrate itself in. More interviews from them Thursday. Happy. How lucky we are to be here, Vinny reminded us. Against all odds. We shouldn't even exist, but here we are, in these beautiful surroundings, practicing how to love wisely. Indeed, how lucky we are.

End of day 3. Much mettā felt, much sent, much awarded to myself. Got very concentrated during some sits, very distant and numb at others. The yoga was my favorite, as there's nothing quite like a good stretch. Keep forgetting what day it is, time is acting so differently as I'm in and out of the world I know, more and more tapping into that universal existence in which there is no linear time, and love is the language used.

Tomorrow, Wednesday; I'm halfway through. Thinking I'm in a state of neutrality,  because I find myself quite often bored and then looking for trouble (lust, greed - the plans, the resentments, the past - Mara at its worst, back and body ache, which I know in my heart is not much at all). Excited to see where my mind and heart are at tomorrow. I feel as though I may be the last person to wake up at this place (me@8:00am - first sitting at 6:30 [yea] and breakfast at 7 - not hearing the wake up bells, not hearing my alarm, naturally waking up at 8. Better not disturb my natural sleep rhythms) but I understand when it comes to sleep, I have some special needs so indeed, I accept my needed long hours in bed w/as much kindness and love as I can in this moment - Mettā!

2 more full days, then a morning, then back to it all with more love in my heart to share like it was the only thing in the world.

LOVE