(first full day), Monday
Not sure what I did (lust related?) but showed up w/a knotted, strained right shoulder/neck... more time spent on a chair than on floor, to conserve this body.
Up to 2 sitting meditations. Each one gets my mind more and more settled. Repeating the phrases "May you be happy. May you be loved. May you be at ease. May you be free." Or some variation of that. Thinking of JoJo as an innocent child, nothing but love to give her, without judgement. JoJo mind very actively pushing away this love - wanting to mentally nag the white girls in yoga garb, or other annoying clothing, Mara chasing me with drowsy feelings and hunger and the pain in my back. Sending much love to Mara, to myself.
Just finished lunch. Journaling is discouraged, but I'm overriding that because it is a habit I want to maintain. And recording insight is helpful.
Today we are focusing on metta to ourselves. Of course my mind is tired of repeating the phrases. And it's a bit too warm out to fully engage in a hike, or start a worth-while walking meditation.
I'm eager to explore the labyrinth later this evening, when the sun is gone and the lights around the maze are on - all those diamonds to guide me. Want to make sure to photograph this place before leaving - I was thinking either Thursday or Friday.
Used to mindfulness mediation, so it's throwing me for a loop repeating phrases & the focus not being on my breath. Find metta practice a bit more concrete.
Work in an hour. Salad maker.
So tired now. More Mara w/its drowsiness.
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